He is not interested in knowing what my love language is. For example, do you expect your boyfriend to text you five times a day or call you first thing in the morning and last thing before you fall asleep? I love my boyfriend, but just cant get the feeling that he feels the same. But what?! We both have made developments and decided to let go of our bad past. I know that probably sounds silly but his replies are shorter and he doesnt joke around with me like he used to do. You won't drive him crazy, you'll push him away and for good. You cant let him be the center of your life! You deserve so much more than whats going on and it seems like youve been by his side throughout all the ups and downs but he cant be the man you need. I feel in this kind of limbo where expressing dissatisfaction with a relationship that doesnt actually exist makes me sound like a basket case. I was dipping into my bucket to bring him up but I wasnt getting anything in return. I just want the real him back! You should never settle. He also uses really unfair arguments when fighting, like things I never mentioned or meant. Watch YouTube videos on narcissistic boyfriends and you will know how lucky you are to be able to get away from him. We talked about it seriously the 2nd year. Im slowly giving up but everytime i try to let go he acts like he rlly loves me and he wants me back. Its so hard due to his work ,he still trying his best to see me at least thats what he told me. He doesnt tell me he loves me very often, never compliments me, doesnt text or call on the days we are apart and due to his lifestyle and commitments we see each other the same 3 evenings every week, and it has been the same 3 evenings for 3 years with the exception of one or two evening. How can he be so sure of that and not even care to nurture our relationship? It is always me who looks up special events to go to like Gamevention (cause he likes video games), new Indian restaurants (cause he likes spicy food), or initiates going for a walk. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year, but we have known each other for 10 years. Its like he wants to cause as much damage as he can verbally to win and I dont get it. but he refuses to communicate, refuses to try and he does this thing where he grasps for straws so that he can point the finger of blame on me. If you aren't getting the attention you need and deserve, it may be time to move on. This makes me Am I the problem here? At this point we fight so much and afterwards Im always the one to try to settle things because he just cant comprehend what he said really hurts. He texts me every morning and night and we often text during the day. He has never had a serious relationship so he doesnt know that we could have gone through it together. Omgod girl leave him. Required fields are marked *. I finally had to let him go. To me it seems like your boyfriend is causing your anxiety and making you feel down which is not okay at all. dont know if you guys familliar with Myasthenia gravis.. its an auto immune decease which makes your muscle gets weak. I met his mom for the first time when his parents stopped by, we took his dog paddle boarding. I know it was all my fault and wish i could fix things! I been communicating with him about his lack of effort , no improvement. The times he comes over my house on his days off its really late at night because he says he is tired and wants to lay down the whole day. They are both in their 40s and are so happy to find each other. Im dating this guy for 3 years now. He said he wanted to have a deeper talk about expectations and his four years old son before we can be official. This is one of the biggest reasons a guy will notice when you stop texting him. I dont want to settle or compromise my own feelings anymore..And you shouldnt either. Which I practically felt alone and excited to do things by myself. I think that might make him feel better. He has motivation and spends money on doing that but what about me lol, he puts no effort into our relationship. Its about dealing with regret, coping with guilt, and healing shame. I always refuse because I want to make it on my own. Also, and Im not materialistic by any means, hes offered to buy me lots of things or even just give me money to help with bills. And I told him we can figure it out together after 1/2 weeks I asked him again and go if you dont want to be with me just say it and he said he doesnt want to be a di**head and I said fine and I tried ending it because the way I was getting replies I felt as if he didnt want this no more. Sam I think you should be honest with your girlfriend and tell her this. He pays alawys though i offer to pay but he refuses. Recently, despite being together for 5 years, I feel like a booty call. I had my final straw this past week with his lack of effort and I broke up With him. i just wish he would be more emotionally available. Im in a similar situation. I randomly always try to put efforts in the relationship but get nothing in return. when it comes to affection, i literally have to initiate everything. HI CHRIS, MY BOYFRIEND ALSO DRINKS A LOT. NO CLEANING. Once in a while, I managed to do something to please him. Am so confused I dont rilly know what to do . Also be prepared to lose him. and he even told me that her wife cheated on him. Girl, thats not fair to you. My friends have been pulling their hair out trying to get him to help them plan my party and he ignores their texts. He said that he knows he loves me but that he felt like I dont care for him. For the first year or two with him, I never had any problems with needing reassurance and words of affirmation from him because he always did it so well. But I feel like its a symptom of that reoccuring issue of ours where he just doesnt put effort in to connect. Maybes its best we leave it and not have to try so hard with the next person. I dont think he would see it this way at all. His plan to get a better job (he was very cocky and confident a massive promotion would just land on his lap as soon as he graduated like one day someone would email him out of the blue from Linkedin and offer him a CEO job or something) so he has become depressed. Over the past 2 months something changed. The way he acted after you said you need a romantic date, even if you said it while in tears or upset, is absolutely unacceptable. I really get frustrated with him often because he does not want to let me go, but yet he can not do what I ask of him. Ive been dating my boyfriend for four years. Antidepressents can be a good way to start on the road back to normal just to give you some emotional stability. Its really hurtful to live with, and it really makes me feel unappreciated and un loved. He makes comments like some of us work for a living which is one of his huge baggage in life- the fact that hes a greedy mother $#_&@ and chose to be a workaholic and have no life even in his 20s so he expects everyone else to do the same. I love him and i plan on marrying him but i dont know how to fix the lack of effort without fighting like we always do when i ask him to put in more effort. Theres always a chance that this will trigger self-reflection, and he will crawl back, and you can decide whether to give a second chance. And think about the other person not just about yourself. ? He said he had not thought about it and was not feeling well that day, so would think about it when he felt better and let me know in a few days. Maybe he always expects you to be waiting for him, ready to do whatever he wants. She saw me with his hat and questioned me and i told her i got it from my best friend and she knew i was lying but didnt care. Then he complains when I dont cook dinner after working 10 hours a day, I work four-10 hour days, and says all I know how to cook is chicken, which Im a great cook, he is just too lazy to do anything what so ever. After that I had to go home cause it was starting to get dark. Which actually does NOT suck because I was married for 24 years and I dont miss having to make sure someone eats supper, has clean clothes, etc. He always used to put his friends before me, lied to me, involved in gangs and drugs. He is properly dressed and looks fine, just too add. If he wants to make an effort to come visit you a few times you can see hes pulling his weight. Hes been going through a bit of a struggle with his mental health lately so Ive been trying really hard not to hold how hes been distant over him because I do understand it and I dont want to pry. When I text, he ignores them for hours even when he is online in the meantime. It took him 2 days to notice something. The first 4-5 months were amazing, a classic honeymoon phase for sure. It sounds that you need to work on yourself first. He used to put in a little more effort Im confused. It doesnt have to be a big, heavy relationship talk! It was great for a few months, but now the lock down is over (here in Europe) I feel like hes starting to make less effort again, prioritizing sports and friends again. We are doing thanksgiving together. He has never introduced me to his father. Im so confused by the things he thinks, says and does. Wow!Same here. Its to tell someone what I will, and will not, put up with. Let me know your thoughts! Heres what to do: write down the three strongest emotions you feel about your boyfriends lack of effort in your relationship. I get it Im not a good gamer but I like the company. He is mechanical and can fix many things. You only care about yourself, youre lazy out of anger.. which it catches up to me and makes me awful because I know his lack of energy plays a large part of it but how am I supposed to feel or do.. to make it even better he recently told me after a large fight about laundry or something I barely remember, that hes decided to go for traveling nursing in California this spring because he will make more Money (something he is very stressed out about) and I dont know what to do because thats not part of our plan. His brother lives for free with his mother and he has nothing but contempt for him over it. And he is never sorry because he can justify it no matter how stupid. 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